Julian Assange is Heath Ledger's Joker

The question "What is motivating Julian Assange?" has been posted on Quora.  There are a few useful responses, and then there is this..

Julian Assange's motivations remind me of "The Joker" in The Dark Knight, the classic Oscar-winning performance by the late Heath Ledger. Director Chris Nolan's interpretation of the Joker was to paint a portrait of a modern-day terrorist and agitator, someone who was nomadic, with no known relatives or residences. Nolan and Ledger's Joker was motivated by "sending a message" to authorities. It was not about money or fame. The Joker believed that everyone had "plans" and that when things went according to plan, even if they were horrific, nobody would care. However, if something when against the plan, such as the attempted assassination of the Gotham mayor in the movie, the public freaks out. It's chaos. It's dogs chasing cars. These leaks go way, way against the plans of authorities, and it provides very intense sunshine, and that freaks many people out. Nolan's and Ledger's Joker is an outlaw and is willing to break any law, no matter the cost, to introduce any bit of anarchy into the mix. The more and more I read about Assange, such as the New Yorker article from earlier this year, or this recent leak, or the upcoming corporate hit he's going to lay on Wall Street, the more it becomes apparent to me that what's motivating Assange is the same thing that motivated the Joker: they are both squarely focused on sending a strong message and disrupting the authorities' plans.

My comments:

Hmm... usually when someone does a "Julian Assange as an archetype" sort of analysis, they call on references that go a little farther back than 2008. Like, normally one would expect to see some connections made to figures from mythology, some of the classics in literature, or even the work of Carl Jung. But okay, maybe you can be as insightful by referencing Dilbert as you can by exploring links between what is happening in the world now and the writings of Neitzche.

Still, the analogy is pretty much a thinly disguised piece of bullshit. Julian Assange is no anarchist. Anarchists don't sit still for interviews, they don't drink coffee from huge ceramic mugs while lounging on comfy sofas, they don't speak in calm voices, and they certainly never wear white, because anarchists are always dirty, and wearing white would just not be practical. In addition, someone as fine as Julian wold never and should never wear a balaclava as all anarchist must at some point do.

Further, the author claims to be talking about motivations, when he/she only ever addresses the behaviours of both the Joker and Assange. This is problematic because, although all non-reflexive, goal-directed behaviour can be said to have underlying motivations, behaviours and motivations are separate concepts. The one can not be inferred from the other - certainly not without some much more intimate knowledge of the person. It's also problematic because it's just not very in-depth or insightful. 

In conclusion.. FAIL.

Julian Assange is Dead

In a twist on the "Julian Assange is in bed with the CIA" conspiracy theory, a new theory proposes that the US Government has control of the cables and is releasing the ones that put the USA in a good light and Iran in a bad light, opening the door for the US to take decisive military action against (read "bomb") Iran. The leaks about Iran have been interspersed with information about various other inconsequential matters to keep the sheeple from being suspicious.

My Comments: There are a lot of factual errors in the blog entry that details this theory. I should probably enumerate them here in the interest of educating the author, but that's not what I'm here for. What I'm here for is to play strip Scrabble with Julian Assange, and since that hasn't happened yet, I'm going to conclude that he's still alive.

Julian Assange is Fucked Up Because of His Childhood

Sometimes, when I'm eating dinner, I save the tastiest bits for last. So it is with this item. I've been sitting on this "thing people say about Julian Assange" for a while now, waiting for a time when I needed to reward myself by biting into something really juicy. That time has now come.

Recently, some information has come to light about Julian Assange's unusual childhood. Key points:

- Julian never knew his biological father

- When he was an adolescent, Julian and his mother went into hiding in an attempt to escape from her abusive boyfriend, moving frequently from town-to-town and state-to-state (or province-to-province - whatever they've got down there in Oz)

- During this time, Julian was frequently bullied and ostracized by his peers

- When he was 13 or 14, his mother bought a computer for him, and the computer became his "only friend"

All of this paints a picture of a lonely child at the margins of society - someone who couldn't help but grow increasingly resentful, increasingly marginalized, increasingly deviant, increasingly paranoid, and increasingly... dangerous...

It's obvious that someone so brutally abused, shunned by society, and left to communicate with the world through nothing but combinations of zeros and ones would become evil, and eventually ... MANIACAL!!! And obviously his target would be the very paragon of power and captain-of-the-football-team-type popularity.. the United States of America!!

My comments:

** oh JesusChristDeepSigh..**

Really, seriously.. how hard is it for people see that all they are doing is working backwards from the man they *think* they see to what effect they *think* his childhood had on him?? Let's count the problems with this:

- We only know the most salient things about his childhood

- We only know the things that were raised in court in an attempt to protect him from prosecution during his previous run-in with the law

- The connection between this information and the behaviours of the man we see today are speculative at best, unless we have an insightful and deeply incisive and personal analysis from Assange himself

- One could very easily argue that this history led him to be someone who is protective of others, and concerned with ensuring that vulnerable people have access to the information and resources that can help them protect themselves

In summary, I'm no psychologist, but.. oh wait, yes I am..

In summary, no one can know how Julian Assange's childhood affected him except Julian Assange himself. So we all need to wait for him to disclose this, if he wants to do that. If he decides he doesn't, we all need to be just fine with that, because that information.

is.

and should be.

private.

Julian Assange is Tintin

This video gives evidence that Julian Assange might be the flesh-and-blood incarnation of the popular cartoon character, Tintin. To sum up:

- They are both investigative journalists

- Their work has been translated into many languages (I myself have read them in three!)

- They both fight injustice world-wide

- They both wind up in dangerous situations on a more-or-less ongoing basis

- Neither appears to have a boss or a senior editor to whom they report

- Tintin appears to have no coworkers, and Assange's are ghostly figures at best, except for the pretty woman with the curly hair and the comfy scarf, and the cute guy with the high hair and the glasses. I adore them both, but I'm not sure what their role is exactly.

A side-by-side indicates some striking physical similarities..



Tintin is rarely seen at his at his own place. According to my sister, who is a Tintin expert, he does rent a room somewhere, but is normally seen at Marlinspike Hall, the home of his wealthy friend, Captain Haddock, or he is travelling. As we all know, Assange is currently being hosted by HIS wealthy friend, Vaughan Smith, at HIS home, Ellingham Hall, pictured on the left below. Marlinspike is on the right.

My Assessment: I probably need to see my doctor to tweak my meds, because I think this might actually be true. It definitely makes more sense than him being an agent for the CIA or a crappy lover (come on, you don't believe that any more than I do) There are some problems though:

- Haddock is an alcoholic, and while he does redeem himself at times, he usually gets the crew into more trouble than it was in before. Vaughan Smith seems quite a bit more stable, and has yet to be seen in public falling-down drunk. There is still time though.

- Tintin never has girlfriends or lovers. I don't think I need to expand on this point.

- Tintin has been to outerspace.

- The cast of characters has yet to be fleshed out. We need a rotund female opera singer, an absent-minded Swiss physicist, and a fluffy little terrier. The parts of the bumbling detectives, Thompson and Thompson have of course been filled by Marianne Ny and Claes Borgström.

- It's unclear how he would have leaped off the page and become a three-dimensional organism, but maybe the nice people who produced the movie "The Ring" can help out with that part.

Overall, I think this one is a winner. Hopefully soon our hero will be able to go on his next adventure!

Julian Assange is the World's Worst Lover!

Wow! It must suck to be Julian Assange, with this sort of thing being widely reported about your sexual skills. Yet, legions of women still want to fuck him, so I guess it's not so bad after all.

My comments: Hey, Salty Droid! Somebody's getting pussy, and it's not you. Wanna know who it is?? Here's a hint...

Julian Assange Blinks Too Much!!

Thanks to Paul Ekman, everybody now thinks they can tell who's lying and who's not. Apparently it's just plain obvious that Julian Assange is lying, because he blinks a lot. Someone even made a video about it.

Some other comments on blogs/discussion boards:
"Anyone notice Assange constantly blinking and even scratching his ears? Tell signs for lying perhaps?" and "By all means ... get your body language expert ... because he does blink excessively and looks like a liar and fraud. In my line of work, I question a lot of frauds and there are red flags all over this guy in what he says and how he says it."

Glory! Here's another opinion about the reason for the blinking:
"Watching his eyes blink frequently and seeing some of his facial twitches I get the feeling he was on the verge of tears. Maybe he didnt want his followers to see him break down and cry. He can dish it out but doesnt seem like he can take it."

My Assessment:

*sigh**

Eye blinking has been empirically linked to lying, but as far as I can tell this is only through anxiety (i.e. lying results in anxiety, which results in a higher rate of eye-blinking). Perhaps Julian is lying, and this is making him anxious, which results in higher rates of eye-blinking, but it could also be the case that he is just tense.

Higher rates of eye-blinking are also used as a non-invasive measure of CNS dopamine activity, so you could make the case that his levels of dopamine are either consistently high or abnormally variable. There are a number of disorders that could cause this, but all of them have other symptoms. Depressed people who are sleep deprived have higher rates of eye-blinking, and it is assumed that sleep deprivation elevates their dopamine levels, and that this is how sleep deprivation works as an antidepressant. I read somewhere that JA was at one time hospitalized for depression, and it's possible that he may stiff suffer from bouts of depression or dysthymia. We also know that he takes very little sleep. It may be the case that he blinks a lot because he's a depressed person who is sleep deprived.

Related to the above, he could also be taking a lot of cocaine and/or drinking a ton of Red Bull, which would effectively increase dopaminergic activity in his CNS, thereby resulting a high rate of eye-blinking, but I doubt he would appear so calm if this were the case.

And, of course, his eyes might just be dry. The function of eye-blinking is to spread tears over the cornea, so dry eyes make you blink a lot. There are quite a number of environmental and medical conditions that can cause dry eyes.

Summing up: Dude could be anxious, depressed and sleep deprived, addicted to coke and/or energy drinks, or suffering from a medical condition that causes dry eyes. It's certainly not as simple as "he blinks a lot, therefore he lies". In any case, everything he has said is independently verifiable, so instead of wasting time slowing down videos of him to count the eye blinks, maybe people could spend that time evaluating his claims by doing a little reading.

Let's look at Julian Assange's soulful grey eyes for some clues:



He can lie to me all he wants.

Julian Assange is Flamboyant

Merriam Webster defines flamboyant as an adjective meaning (a) characterized by waving curves suggesting flames (b) marked by or given to strikingly elaborate or colorful display or behavior.

A Google image search on "flamboyant"turns up this:




And this is Julian Assange:



He has white hair, he's as pale as an unused condom, and even his eyes are grey. Nobody ever needs to photoshop his images to grayscale because he exists as shades of gray. He speaks in a regular, measured tone that one could easily use in food preparation if an egg timer wasn't handy. The most "flamboyant" thing he's done is to fuck two chicks in the same week. And really, who hasn't done that?

My assessment: Someone needs to stop teaching the rednecks big words, because they go out and use them. It's not good for anyone.