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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Julian Assange is a Bad Houseguest!

By now, everyone has heard the sordid details of Julian's houseguestly transgressions. He (allegedly) eats all the available food in the place only to replace it (if he does replace it) with rotten fruit; he stays much longer than he's welcome to; he brings home all manner of stray women and has sex with them either in the next room, or on the same bed that the host/roommate is sleeping in (that is if he's not attempting to have sex with the host her/himself); he uses the host's computer and then wipes the hard drive blank; he's dirty, and he tortures pets.  I would link to the actual evidence of these allegations, but the recreated versions are much more entertaining, and quite true to the original accounts. You can view a fun animation here and an annoying re-enactment here

My response: Look you pigs - if you're going to have someone like Julian Assange stay at your house, maybe you should make sure that house has a guest room with an ensuite, and that you feed him some real food instead of shit like leberkäse and Ovaltine. I mean, liver cheese? Seriously? According to our friends at Wikipedia, "Most of the time it is served on a semmel (bread roll) while still hot and sometimes seasoned with mustard or pickled cucumbers" Well doesn't that sound delicious. I wonder what the fuck it tastes like when it's cold and not seasoned with these gourmet food items. 

I've learned from this, though. I think next week I'll have Stephen Hawking and Nelson Mandela over to my place, feed them some moldy bread and a can of refried beans and make them share a bedroom.. NOT!!! 

Come stay with me, Julian. I will set you up with 3 delicious squares a day, a plush bed piled high with layers and layer of down, a high-speed internet connection, and buckets of condoms (or not! *giggles*) 

3 comments:

  1. Love this blog and glad your posting again, but time to quit slating the "leberkäse". It's a type of sausage / meatloaf with a funny name and it's well tasty. Even Julian obviously couldn't get enough of it. :D

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  2. Okay - I will lay off the leberkäse. I'm just envious that I can't try it because I'm a vegetarian! I'm off to find another food item to debase. If you have suggestions, please send them my way!

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  3. Oh the end xD By the way your blog is funny and cool :)

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