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Friday, December 31, 2010

Julian Assange is a Male Whore

Redundant. Next.

Seriously though, I think the whole story has reinforced one thing for me, and that's that even very intelligent men cease to think with the head that's on their shoulders when pussy makes an appearance. Sadly, it doesn't work the other way around - dumb boys don't turn smart when the opportunity for sex presents itself. I speak from experience. Trust.

Julian Assange is Jesus

There are a growing number of people who believe that Julian Assange is literally Jesus Christ returned to earth.

Some of the evidence people have cited:

  • His prematurely white hair. Apparently Revelations says Christ will have hair as white as snow

  • The fact that, like Jesus, he defies the establishment

  • His calm demeanor, which has been described as "preternatural", and which is clearly evident in every interview conducted with him.

  • One of the many anagrams for his name is JESUS AGNA NAIL. Agna is apparently a Greek work meaning holy or pure

  • The timing of his rise to prominence, coinciding as it does with the global financial crisis and the massive oils spill in the Gulf of Mexico. All this is said to signal the end of days, which is supposed to come sometime not long after Christ returns to earth.

  • His name starts with a J.

  • He's being persecuted by the powers that be - and also Sweden

  • He seeks to expose lies and corruption

  • A lot of people want him dead, hence there's a chance someone will kill him.

  • Women want him. but it's clear no one woman will ever be able to posses him.

My assessment: There's some compelling evidence in favor of this, but confirmation bias is playing a really big part in the evidence being presented. For example, the white hair part comes from a part of Revelations that also says Christ will show up wearing a floor-length robe with a gold sash around the chest. That hasn't happened. He's also supposed to have a voice like rushig waters or some such thing. I don't see that either. I guess we'll know more at the end of days. I'll be watching from my hot tub in hell.

Julian Assange is a Rapist

Two things to note:

1. He hasn't been charged with any crime at all, and is only wanted for questioning.

2. What he's accused of doing (condomless sex when sex with a condom was what was agreed upon) isn't considered rape in most developed countries, including the US.

What's unfortunate about the speed of communication and the volume of available information these days is that nobody has time to attend to even gross detail - let along fine detail - and the discussion of pretty much everything gets circumscribed by the limitations of time and cognitive energy. In an environment where everyone has constant access to volumes of information, you can't get your words heard unless you can do it in 140 characters, in all caps, and while shouting inside your head. Everyone should behave responsibly, and research this stuff before they "react" and spread the misinformation even further. Otherwise we're all just Fox News in more dulcet tones.

Here's a pic of Julian Assange.

I would have sex with him, and I'd do it right in those stacks - maybe in the section on Politics, because that's basically all about fucking with people anyways. I would not tell him to wear a condom, thereby avoiding any possibility that he might rape me in Sweden.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Julian Assange is Stupid

Fortunately you don't see this one too much, because it's obviously ludicrous. Here's a sample of some text in which one of these claims has been embedded: "mr. assange, is stupid, hipocrite, and a victim of a role "playing god" behaviour".

I can't even make sense of this, in part because the spelling mistakes and awkward syntax have caused my brain to work less efficiently, and in part because it doesn't make any fucking sense.

Anyone who believes this hasn't been exposed to Assange's ability to seamlessly connect disparate ideas, to draw on material from a variety of (ostensibly) unrelated academic disciplines in the arguments he presents, to simultaneously maintain a broad perspective and a narrow focus when he responds to questions, and to do it all in a way that is accessible to people who are much less intellectually gifted. That's a brilliant person.

This graphic should make all this fairly easy to grasp...

Julian Assange is Paranoid

Like so many things that are said with rhetorical intent, this character assessment is made as though it's a black-or-white thing (i.e that one is either completely paranoid to the point of psychosis, or one is not paranoid at all). The truth is that everyone is paranoid to some degree, to the extent that everyone is wary about potential dangers in their environment. The opposite of paranoia is not robust mental health - it's naivete. A moderate amount of paranoia is adaptive.

And speaking of adaptive, it's appropriate for Assange to be more fearful of people's intent at this time, because
people are actually out to get him. When you're in a position where failing to wear a condom gets you a one-way ticket to Gitmo, I'd say you're well advised to be hyper-vigilant.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Julian Assange is a necromaniac.

I just read this on a blog:

"He looks like, and sounds like, he could be a necromaniac."

In order to evaluate this claim, I first had to figure out what a necromaniac is. Now that surprised me, since I do have a PhD in Psychology from a prestigious university. One would think I would have encountered this term during my studies, but oh well...

From what I gather, a necromaniac is someone who is obsessed with death and dying. Presumably not one's own death and dying exclusively, but things like zombies and rotting flesh. Fortunately, someone's written a song about it. Here's a sample of the lyrics.

Awakened by an unquenchable addiction, To walk hand in hand with death, Exhumed to transcend the walls of the coffin, And search for newly rotted flesh... Casket crushing and dismantling the grave, With other fiends in this sadistic enclave, On draughts of blood my thirst is slaked, Underfoot the mouldy bones break... Nocturnal devestation my only aim, Dead or living, I seek out and maim, Six feet is the depth of my obsession,

My assessment:I really have no information that would help me to evaluate this claim, but I can't see where homeboy would find the time to dig up caskets and make love to the bones, or whatever it is one does when one actually locates the dead bodies. I mean, he's been kind of busy lately, and necromania seems like a time consuming hobby to me. I suppose it's possible he could be a zombie, but I'll wait for some concrete evidence of this.

Julian Assange is the Antichrist

I haven't taken a scientific poll, but I'm going to make an educated guess that the overlap between people who think Assange is the Antichrist and people who think Obama is the Antichrist looks something like this:

This is problematic because obviously there can be only one Antichrist. I looked into this further, and it turns out that someone has come up with a way around this! To quote this theological scholar:

" although i don't believe julian assange is the beast (or anti-christ) i do believe he could be the prophet that will give the beast it's thrown. too many things aren't in place yet israel hasn't become the super power it's supposed to, so the beast cannot sit on God's thrown and call himself God."

Well that solves that. Obama is the Antichrist and Assange is preparing the way for him to assume the "thrown" of God. I hope this clarifies things for you. Ur welcome.